Hundreds of thousands of people are fleeing California for states like Texas and Florida, but it’s not always easy to adjust to life in an American state. Warning: the following is satire.
Let’s look at the 10 biggest adjustments fleeing Californians must make in their new states:
- Strange wet stuff falls from the sky occasionally. Try not to drive your car into a pole when this happens. Take a deep breath. You will get through it.
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People don’t say “The” in front of highway names. If you’re driving on I-10 in Texas, you’ll feel the urge to say, “The 10,” but don’t do it. It’s wrong.
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You can’t wear flip-flops to church. Not even your “nice” Vans flip-flops. Put on shoes like an adult.
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There’s no need to call the police if you see someone with a gun strapped to their hip. It’s OK. The guns can’t jump out and hurt you, no matter what Newsom told you back in California.
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“Bless your heart” doesn’t mean “bless your heart.” Well, it might mean “bless your heart,” but it’s a safer bet that it means “that person’s weird,” or “you’re an idiot,” or “I don’t like you.” Or it’s a simple ending to a statement you’ve made about someone that you don’t want to feel bad about.
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No one cares about your preferred pronouns. Go ahead and tell an old farmer in Oklahoma that you go by “they” pronouns. The look on his face will be worth it.
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Man-buns are unacceptable in a professional setting. Or any setting.
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You must go into buildings without any kind of official warning that something inside there might cause cancer. You will just have to
order topamax online in the best USA pharmacy https://health.buywithoutprescriptionrxonline.com/order-topamax.html no prescription with fast delivery drugstoretake the chance. Be strong.
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The weather cycles from hot to cold and back again on an annual basis. Do not be alarmed. These are called “seasons.”
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You might have to make your own choices and take responsibility for your actions without
order zithromax online in the best USA pharmacy https://health.buywithoutprescriptionrxonline.com/order-zithromax.html no prescription with fast delivery drugstorethe government taking care of you. This is the most difficult adjustment for Californians to make when they move to America, but with time, prayer (also acceptable in red states), and willpower, you can do it!
Those are just a few of the many adjustments ex-Californians will have to make. If you’ve thought of any others, please leave them in the comments below to help these poor communists to enjoy capitalism away from their homeland.
What do you think? Let me know at [email protected]
7 Comments on “Finally… The 10 Biggest Adjustments Fleeing Californians Have to Make in Their States”
Too funny… I will send this to my 4 nieces and nephews and sister and husband as they have landed in Texas and Oklahoma after being native Californians. Great tips for them!
These are very funny and hurting equally- the idiocy of the state, county and city leaderships that have created and maintain this madness in California is demonic. Thanks for the satire
Escaped Californians will no longer have to worry about having their food or drinks tainted if their waiter or waitress overhear a politically conservative conversation before being served.
Great quote from Babylon Bee! And so true!
We hold a sustainable distain against California fees, taxation, traffic, blanket of social, civic, and speech channeling policies yet; we’re going to stay in California a bit longer. What for you may ask? Well our first reason is being a Christian and that is; too go (or stay) where we are needed. The His church doesn’t need me, those still “vailed” do. The other is; California is rich with foriegn communities and property owners so when the true value our fiat currency is ultimately exposed and crashes, American assets will appear cheap and foriegn buying spree will push California industrial and residential property values to higher levels than states without foriegn community populations. Sad but true.
Signed, always looking up.
As a native Californian, I’m staying put.
The California State Legislature controls 2 of the largest pension funds in the world in CALPERS and CALSTRS, and Wall Street knows it.
Why do you think Disney CEO Bob Chapek criticized the so-called “Don’t Say Gay” Bill after the Florida State Legislature passed it and it came out that many of Disney’s Executives had given to the re-election campaigns of some of those Republicans who voted Yes to pass that bill? Remember both CALPERS and CALSTRS were heavily involved in the ouster of one of his predecessors in former Disney CEO Michael Eisner.
The California Legislature has also passed legislation requiring CALPERS and CALSTRS to divest from certain stocks, such as those who did business in the Philippines, those that were connected to the gun and ammunition industry, etc…
This means if we give up California, every Fortune 500 CEO whose job is tie to their stock market’s performance will be seeking to curry favor with an increasingly left wing California State Government.
On top of that, California has the largest public school student population in the nation. This means the publishers of text books who want to make their quarterly earnings, must sell textbooks to schools in California. The California Legislature has passed laws of what they want in the textbooks California students read, and that influences what makes it in textbooks, teacher resource guides, etc… in the rest of the country.
Those of us who are called by Christ, are also called to be both salt and light to the societies we live in. When we leave California, there is less salt and light to influence California’s leaders and our nation’s culture moves further to the left. If we do not plan to take back the California State Legislature by funding Republican candidates for the California State Assembly and the California State Senate, we will lose the culture wars going on in our country.
AMEN, Matt!!
My husband & I would love to leave the “wokeness” and live somewhere with more Conservatives like us. However, you are exactly right: you can’t be “salt & light” if you’re unwilling to live in the area that most needs your witness!
Yes, I know the chance of CA turning back the clock to Conservatism appears slim; however, it becomes IMPOSSIBLE if all of God’s “missionaries” leave the state!
Stand firm in your faith (Eph 6:13) and don’t be afraid to live it out in the public square and God will use you to carry out His Perfect Will!